Going to start a new series on the blog called “Just because.”
Occasionally, I will run across a photo that catches my eye…
Here is my first photo:
photo by google
One of our nephews got married this past weekend.
At the reception, the DJ announced a dance for “All the married couples.” And then he said, “You know how this works…keep dancing until your year is called, so we can find out who here has been married the longest…”Wife looks and me and says, “Let’s do it!” I’d already been out on the floor dancing with one of our granddaughters so I was OK with the idea. I’m going to guess there were about 20 couples on the floor.
“5 years or less, please leave the floor…” “Dang,” said a young couple off to my right.
“15 years or less…please leave the floor..”
“25 years or less…
35 years or less...(the parents of the bride and groom left at this point.)
40 years…. (It was at this point we made a bee line to the edge of the floor.)
I could hear the DJ saying something about that last couple, turned out it was us. We were that last couple. Then I felt a hand on my shoulder, thought it was one of my brother-in-laws, for a second, then realized it was the DJ.
“Any words of advice?”
My mind went blank. Completely blank. And then, a thought began to take shape, but I wasn’t sure I should say it.
What the heck, he asked me again so I blurted it out: ,“It takes a lot of work” (not the most romantic words, but he’d asked, and as far as I was concerned, it was the truth. 🙂
He asked the question a third time? ” What words of advice would you give a younger couple after being married for 40 years?”
Fortunately, my wife had her wits about her and she said, “Well, coffee in bed…He brings me coffee in bed, and has done so for years..” (I could hear a collective awe) 🙂
“It’s the little things that matter. Kindness..”
After we sat down and the microphone was no longer in my face, my wife added…“I wish I would have said a sense of humor…a sense of humor in marriage goes a long ways!”
The year we marked our 25th anniversary, I did write down some thoughts on marriage. They are as true today as 15 years go and if you’ve never read my list, here is what I wrote:
#1. A marriage relationship is a living thing, very much like a plant. There are things you can do to enhance it, make it flourish, and there are things you can do in terms of neglect. It can go without water and sunlight for a spell, but make no mistake…the principle of sowing and reaping is just as relevant in marriage as in any area of life.
#2. A “healthy” marriage takes work. You don’t feel the “warm fuzzies” for each other all the time. Don’t panic…that is normal. Wife and I like to spend time together, we enjoy each other’s company. But, as Dr. Dobson puts it, “Emotions come and go. Do the deeds and the feelings will follow.”
Make the phone calls from work just to say, “Hi. I was thinking about you.” Bring her coffee in bed. Get out one-on-one, just the two of you , even if it’s just for a cup of coffee. Help out around the home with the dirty dishes, dirty, diapers, and here is a big one…pick up after yourself!
#3, Take time to listen and stay “current” with each other. Don’t pour all your energy into your job and have nothing left over for your family. Don’t become “married singles.” (two people living in the same home who no longer have anything in common.) If your job does take all of your energy, all of the time, then Buddy, you need to find a different job. There is nothing more tragic in life than a man who makes it to the top of the company ladder and loses his family in the process.
#4. Use these words often (You will need them):
“I was wrong.”
“Please forgive me.”
“You are right.”
#5. Dance…have fun…keep doing the silly things you did when you were just dating or courting.
#6. When (not if) you find yourself having an unresolved conflict in some area (money, sex, parenting, work, church, etc.) work at it until you find an answer! (God has used everything from books to other couples, to paid counselors, to help keep our boat afloat over the years.)
#7 Get out (or stay out) of debt. There are a lot of spin-off ramifications that come with financial pressure. Just a side note on this one- for the most part, we have been a one income family, and since I have chosen to make a living with my hands (I am in construction) we have made financial choices including…renting instead of owning the first 15 years of our marriage, driven an older dependable car, shopped @ garage sales, discount grocery stores, etc.
These are choices we all have to make, but as children enter the picture, Dad needs to have some time and energy left over at the end of the day or be willing to “pay the piper” later in life. (Remember the song, “Cat’s in the Cradle”???)
#8. Give each other some space and freedom. Trust and respect are foundational issues.
#9. Pray and share with each other spiritually.
#10 Be a forgiving person. Let’s face it, you are not perfect, your mate is not perfect, “stuff” happens. Cut each other some slack….practice grace….be the first to initiate reconciliation.
If you have any thoughts you would like to add to this list, absolutely feel free to do so.
I feel a nap coming on. 🙂 It’s raining here today. I took off work early in order to take a couple of our chickens to do a program for group of Kindergardeners before I sat down here at the computer.
What a hoot.
Take care. DM
Dancing with the granddaughters.
Did not see this coming.
Once a year, our 4 children agreed a couple of years ago, as it is hard to get everybody together at the same time, it would be great just to set aside a couple of days each year where we knew everyone would be able to be back. (2 of our 4 kids live out-of-state).
So everyone was back in town this week to celebrate their mama’s birthday. 5:15 we had planned to get together for a cookout @ one of the daughters homes.
Walked into the garage and I was confused. Saw my brother, my mom and dad, heck, all of my siblings were there and their spouses….I thought..ah, neat..they’d been invited to help celebrate my wife’s birthday with us….but then a cake caught my eye. A Princess Bride themed cake… It was a good 45 to 60 seconds before I realized this was a surprise anniversary celebration, and I was one of the guests of honor.
I have never had a real surprise party in my life…never.
Two days later I am still in shock.
If it would have been possible, I would love to have had each of you that read this blog, to have been invited. I mean that.
The Princess Bride is one of those goofy movie’s from the 80’s that has taken on a life of it’s own in the fabric of our family’s life.
Princess Bride themed cake
Yesterday son John and I worked together hanging drywall. He said he liked the picture I’d put on Facebook the night before….(my grandpa’s baby picture).
I said to John, I just wish someone would have told me when I was growing up, big ears ran in the family. 🙂
Growing up I hated my ears. I was ashamed of them. Kids called me monkey. I swore that I would have plastic surgery when I grew up. Funny thing is, when I could finally gets my hands on the $3000 I needed for plastic surgery, I had to stop and think about it. They no longer bothered me. My ears are just a part of what makes me, me. -)
I’ve been working on family history this winter as I’ve mentioned recently and one of my dad’s baby pictures caught my eye.
I posted this series of photos on Facebook for my peep earlier this week:
Growing up, my self esteem sucked. No other way to put it. I had a terrible case of low self worth. I didn’t realize just how bad it was until I became an adult.
I hated my ears, I hated my name. I hated the fact that I was small for my age growing up, not good at sports like my little brother. I was different than him. I had a musical bent. A sensitive heart. And I was clueless when it came to girls.
Low self esteem casts a long shadow.
It affects all your relationships.
Low self worth is a festering wound in the soul.
I no longer battle with the self esteem issues I had growing up.
Restoring self worth in others is one of my passions.
A part of me would love to start a support group for kids who think they have big ears.
Question for you…What would you tell that little boy who came to you and said, the kids in school are making fun of his big ears, calling him “monkey, monkey, monkey,” and picking on him because he is so small?
Have a great day and thanks for stopping by. DM
Across the street from where we are currently working is a group home for handicapped young men. The first day we were on the job, I swore I heard an auctioneer. Looked out the window and there was Billy, pacing back and forth with his microphone calling out to an imaginary crowd.
“Who’ll give me five dollar? Who’ll give me five???”
On and on it went, for 15/ 20 minutes.
If you didn’t know any better you’d have sworn it was a real auction.
This will be the 4th week on this same job, and Billy has probably had a dozen auctions since I’ve been on the job. He’s crossed the street a couple of times just to give us give us some crap.
(Crap is German for good-natured teasing by the way.)
Billy is a big boy. Place him in his mid 20’s. He’s all of 6 ft tall, 220 pounds. Cusses like a sailor…worse than a sailor actually. But behind that intimidating exterior, is someone’s little boy. I have no idea who his parents were, or what the specific details of his disabilities are. I do know he can walk. He can carry on a conversation. I think he works part-time @ a local can sorting place for people with disabilities.
Having 2 grandchildren ourselves with disabilities has given me a whole different perspective on people like Billy than I used to have. He’s mobile. Lives on his own with minimal supervision. He has a job. Has a lot going for him.
Where I’m going with all of this you may be wondering….
Well, yesterday I decided to buy something @ Billy’s auction. I was working in the driveway, cutting out stair treads when I heard him again. Looked across the street and it looked like he was pointing right at me while he was calling..
So I raised my hand and shouted “Yep.” Then “Yep” again. Finally shook my head and made a cutting sign across my throat, indicating I wouldn’t go any higher.
Pretty sure I just bought my own truck.
Two weeks ago, I followed a young couple into our local farm and fleet store. She had a noisy pair of boots on that were going “clomp, clomp, clomp.” There were purple wisps of hair sticking out of her head scarf. I couldn’t help but hear the tone of her voice as she talked with her man. It was short and snippy. I found myself forming a judgmental attitude not because of how she was dressed but because of her attitude and tone of voice.
Three minutes later when I went over to the stain and paint isle, they were standing right in front of the dark walnut stain selection, the last item on my list. I asked they if they could see any cans of dark walnut stain?
The woman turned to look at me and inwardly my judgmental attitude was suddenly gone.
I recognized the two of them.
I was ashamed.
I knew part of their story….
They had been in a terrible car accident two winters ago. The roads had suddenly turned to a sheet of ice, and as they approached an intersection, they couldn’t stop. Their car slid out into the path of a semi. There were several fatalities and both of the two people standing in front of me that day had spent weeks recovering in the hospital, and to this day are still dealing with medical bills and reconstructive surgery.
Just within the past month, the woman had confided to someone I know, that she has to take a lot of medicine in order to “Keep her s*#@t together. ”
We never know what other people are dealing with when we see them in public.
In the middle of that night, I woke up thinking about that young family and what they are still dealing with. A thought began to form in my mind… I wanted to do something/ anything/ to encourage them, yet do it anonymously.
Since we live in a relatively small town, I had to be careful and keep the details kind of vague. Decided to posted the following on our facebook page:
“I stood in line behind a young family today who has had some serious heartache the past year or so. I don’t know them personally, just knew who they were. When she turned to say something to me, I could literally see the pain and brokenness in her eyes. Anyway, I woke up in the middle of the night thinking about them and wanting to do something anonymously for Christmas. I happen to know where the wife works, and also know her boss…here is what I’m thinking…I would like to give them a card and a gift in the form of either cash or gift cards to Walmart, the grocery store, etc. If you want to be a part of it, or know more specifics, shoot me a message. …. Going to give it to her boss Friday the 21st…the first day of winter. .
PS this will be the only time you see this post…won’t keep seeing it on our feed.
7 people stepped forward and said they wanted to be a part of the action.
I’ll be dropping the $ and gift cards off this coming Friday.
Kindness and love are still alive and well in middle earth.
Do not doubt me.