Going to start a new series on the blog called “Just because.”
Occasionally, I will run across a photo that catches my eye…
Here is my first photo:
photo by google
One of our nephews got married this past weekend.
At the reception, the DJ announced a dance for “All the married couples.” And then he said, “You know how this works…keep dancing until your year is called, so we can find out who here has been married the longest…”Wife looks and me and says, “Let’s do it!” I’d already been out on the floor dancing with one of our granddaughters so I was OK with the idea. I’m going to guess there were about 20 couples on the floor.
“5 years or less, please leave the floor…” “Dang,” said a young couple off to my right.
“15 years or less…please leave the floor..”
“25 years or less…
35 years or less...(the parents of the bride and groom left at this point.)
40 years…. (It was at this point we made a bee line to the edge of the floor.)
I could hear the DJ saying something about that last couple, turned out it was us. We were that last couple. Then I felt a hand on my shoulder, thought it was one of my brother-in-laws, for a second, then realized it was the DJ.
“Any words of advice?”
My mind went blank. Completely blank. And then, a thought began to take shape, but I wasn’t sure I should say it.
What the heck, he asked me again so I blurted it out: ,“It takes a lot of work” (not the most romantic words, but he’d asked, and as far as I was concerned, it was the truth. 🙂
He asked the question a third time? ” What words of advice would you give a younger couple after being married for 40 years?”
Fortunately, my wife had her wits about her and she said, “Well, coffee in bed…He brings me coffee in bed, and has done so for years..” (I could hear a collective awe) 🙂
“It’s the little things that matter. Kindness..”
After we sat down and the microphone was no longer in my face, my wife added…“I wish I would have said a sense of humor…a sense of humor in marriage goes a long ways!”
The year we marked our 25th anniversary, I did write down some thoughts on marriage. They are as true today as 15 years go and if you’ve never read my list, here is what I wrote:
#1. A marriage relationship is a living thing, very much like a plant. There are things you can do to enhance it, make it flourish, and there are things you can do in terms of neglect. It can go without water and sunlight for a spell, but make no mistake…the principle of sowing and reaping is just as relevant in marriage as in any area of life.
#2. A “healthy” marriage takes work. You don’t feel the “warm fuzzies” for each other all the time. Don’t panic…that is normal. Wife and I like to spend time together, we enjoy each other’s company. But, as Dr. Dobson puts it, “Emotions come and go. Do the deeds and the feelings will follow.”
Make the phone calls from work just to say, “Hi. I was thinking about you.” Bring her coffee in bed. Get out one-on-one, just the two of you , even if it’s just for a cup of coffee. Help out around the home with the dirty dishes, dirty, diapers, and here is a big one…pick up after yourself!
#3, Take time to listen and stay “current” with each other. Don’t pour all your energy into your job and have nothing left over for your family. Don’t become “married singles.” (two people living in the same home who no longer have anything in common.) If your job does take all of your energy, all of the time, then Buddy, you need to find a different job. There is nothing more tragic in life than a man who makes it to the top of the company ladder and loses his family in the process.
#4. Use these words often (You will need them):
“I was wrong.”
“Please forgive me.”
“You are right.”
#5. Dance…have fun…keep doing the silly things you did when you were just dating or courting.
#6. When (not if) you find yourself having an unresolved conflict in some area (money, sex, parenting, work, church, etc.) work at it until you find an answer! (God has used everything from books to other couples, to paid counselors, to help keep our boat afloat over the years.)
#7 Get out (or stay out) of debt. There are a lot of spin-off ramifications that come with financial pressure. Just a side note on this one- for the most part, we have been a one income family, and since I have chosen to make a living with my hands (I am in construction) we have made financial choices including…renting instead of owning the first 15 years of our marriage, driven an older dependable car, shopped @ garage sales, discount grocery stores, etc.
These are choices we all have to make, but as children enter the picture, Dad needs to have some time and energy left over at the end of the day or be willing to “pay the piper” later in life. (Remember the song, “Cat’s in the Cradle”???)
#8. Give each other some space and freedom. Trust and respect are foundational issues.
#9. Pray and share with each other spiritually.
#10 Be a forgiving person. Let’s face it, you are not perfect, your mate is not perfect, “stuff” happens. Cut each other some slack….practice grace….be the first to initiate reconciliation.
If you have any thoughts you would like to add to this list, absolutely feel free to do so.
I feel a nap coming on. 🙂 It’s raining here today. I took off work early in order to take a couple of our chickens to do a program for group of Kindergardeners before I sat down here at the computer.
What a hoot.
Take care. DM
Dancing with the granddaughters.
I published my first blog post in 2007.
Since then, I’ve had the privilege to meet several of you in person… Kristina, Grace, Brittany, Cheryl, Val, Lisa Maris, Michelle, and I’m a thinking I am missing someone :-). I’ve connected with a few more of you via facebook something I’ve never taken that for granted either.
On the flip side, I’ve watched people I loved to interact with suddenly drop off the face of the earth without nary a whisper…Doctor Victo, Linda, Joy, Bill, Michael, to mention just a few…their blogs either just went silent or were deleted without any notice. Every time, it felt like a friend had just skipped town without explanation.
In my last post, , I mentioned in passing the “writing muse” seems like it is starting to dry up. When I first started blogging back in 2007, my mind was overflowing with topics and issues I felt driven to write about, but now, 12 years later, I feel like I’ve said everything I want to say.
I actually still have 5 active blogs….this one, my farm blog, a history research project blog, a 4th one that is unapologetic-ally deeply spiritual, and an earlier version of this one, currently set to private. Each with a specific purpose. this blog (heart to heart) is where I tend to process life. Last count there were between 600 and 700 blog posts between all of the blogs…Many of the posts “clunkers” I’d be the first to admit. 🙂 A few I may revisit and eventually assemble into another book…I’m still not sure.
So I’m not sure what is coming next, if anything…When Kristina was here last week, we talked briefly about this, and maybe I would be interested in using “prompts” to stimulate my writing. That doesn’t really appeal to me, I do have plenty to keep me entertained now that the new growing season has arrived.
What would help me out more than anything, would be for those of you that are regular readers (even if you don’t leave comments all that often) is to answer this question- Why do you subscribe to this blog? Are there certain topics that resonate with you more than others? Is there something I’ve touched on in the past, you’d love for me to write about more fully? Or are you good with things just as they are? (Even that would help me get some direction.)
Give it some thought and let me know. Any feedback @ this point would be helpful.
Me in the orchard….
Few more weeks and this is what it will look like.
Few years ago, I got an e-mail from a college professor. Seems some of his students at the time had stumbled across the following blog post on another blog of mine. He wanted me to know he’d heard them talking about my blog outside of class around the campfire on a class trip. Talk about honored. Anyway, Spring is in the air. If I want to do any pruning it needs to happen in the next couple of weeks. So, to kick off the 2019 apple growing season, I would like to repost the following musing.
Ten Reasons Why You May Want To Plant An Orchard.
(and if not a whole orchard, at least a couple of trees) 😉
Hanging scale in our sales area
1. Photo opportunities. Our apple orchard constantly changes with the seasons. There is always something catching my eye and bringing me joy.
2. It provides the perfect blend of solitude and social interaction. I love my peace and quiet. There is nothing more nurturing for me than spending a Saturday morning alone, picking apples. At the same time, I do love meeting and bantering with the public on occasion, and when the mood strikes, I will load up the pick up and head to our local farmers market.
Hawking apples at the farmers market last season
3. Supplemental income. Sure there is some work involved in tending an orchard, but not nearly as much as you might suspect. One Semi dwarf tree will cost you $20 to $25.00 and once it’s mature, it can produce between 2 to 4 bushel of apples a year. = 80 to 160 pounds of fruit @ $1.50 a pound that’s $120 to $240 gross, from one tree…per year..not bad for some additional pocket change if you ask me
4. mental stimulation. While the basics of tending an apple orchard are pretty easy to grasp, there is always something new to learn. Did you know there are over 750 different varieties of apples in the United States alone, and over 2000 varieties world-wide?
5. Keeps you physically active. “ Keep those muscles moving” my grandpa used to say. Between the pruning in the early spring, to the picking in the fall, having an orchard provides me with lots of opportunities to be physically active outside, all the while,I’m getting paid and enjoying some fresh air. As I get older I will probably do more of that “you pick” marketing, but for now, I can still climb and honestly, I love picking apples. Last Saturday, I picked about 1200 pounds of apples in about 6 hours.
6. Provides me with lots of opportunities to bless others. I’m not going to brag and tell you how this works itself out except to say, I try to sell mostly our #1 apples, which means, what to do with the seconds? The opportunities to give are all around.
7. Get to enjoy some varieties of fruit that are hard to come by normally – plus if you can find them, you’ll pay through the nose. Sure we have Honey crisp, was told last year they were charging up to $5.00 a pound for those little rascals. So far this year, I’ve picked 11 crates of them and probably have at least another 8. My personal favorite is called the Ginger Gold:
It is every bit as crispy as the Honey crisp and sweet. Last year we had 32 crates of these little jewels.
8. Fresh apple cider. You haven’t lived until you’ve had fresh apple cider pressed from your own apples. It’s got a texture and taste you’ll never , ever find in a store -ever. If you come to visit, and the apples are in season, you can help me press out a batch.
9. You’ll give the bees something to talk about. Ever hear of the “waggle dance”?
10. Provides me with lots of spiritual insight.
Life is full of mystery. I believe God has hidden the answers to some of our questions about life in the apple orchard.
Pruning and suffering. I hate it when people try to slap pat answers onto my life when I’m in the middle of something hard. It makes me angry. So I will not disrespect you and do that now. Sometimes it feels like I’m getting “pruned” and when it does, I barely have enough energy to survive, let alone do more.
Fruitfulness (ever see an apple tree grunt? Me neither.
Seasons. Apple trees don’t produce fruit 12 months out of the year. In fact, they need large blocks of “down time” in the winter..to get ready for the next season. They literally need that time, which is why apple trees don’t do well in warmer climates.
Variety. Already mentioned this one, but it bears repeating. Apple trees vary widely and differently in the type of fruit they produce. I think people are created much more varied than culture tries to tell us. I found an apple tree on an abandoned farmstead a few years ago like nothing I’d ever seen before. Some heirloom variety I’m sure. It looked and tasted just like it was designed to taste. Definitely not some domesticated boring apple. So why do you and I sometimes think we have to look like everybody else? Nothing more beautiful than someone being 100% alive just the way they were designed:
As always, thanks for reading my stuff DM
This weekend, I was rooting through a box of old photos I brought home after we moved my mom and dad to town.
Came across this one:
Me with my first gun.
A Mossberg bolt action 4-10 my brother tells me.
That picture gives me good feelings.
I grew up in a time period in history where guns were a non issue.
Heck, I remember seeing shotguns hanging in the back of pickup truck windows in our high school parking lot.
We have a good friend, I’ll call her Katie whose son came back from the service a conscientious objector. West Point graduate/ the whole works. After experiencing the gritty side of war in Iraq, he did a 180. Her son passed away a couple of years ago from a rare cancer, probably due to the toxic smoke he was around while stationed in Iraq from the burn pits.
Katie and I were talking about guns, gun control, conscientious objection, personal protection, how does that fit into a Christian worldview, what are my options if someone would break into my house? (ever hear of the term center mass?) yada, yada.
Made for a lively conversation. 🙂
What I liked about the conversation was we were asking each other hard questions.
No simplistic answers, but neither were we trying to tear each other down.
Genuinely wanted to hear the “why” behind what the other person was saying, and then ask more questions.
Here’s your chance to share your thoughts currently.
No snark, no nipping at someone else’s comments…If that happens, one of two things will happen.
I will delete or edit your comment.
The whole post get deleted.
I will start first. The following are in no particular order, and I may add additional points as time goes on. I would really like to clarify in my own head some of this stuff.
#1 I absolutely believe I have the right to protect myself, with whatever means are at my disposal. We live in a broken world, and unfortunately, because of it, some people do not play by the rules. Sometimes, bad people attempt to harm innocent and peace loving people like myself.
#2 Having said that, I don’t believe my only option is to “turn the other cheek.” I can chose that response if I want to but that is not my only option.
#3 In addition, I have been entrusted with a family, and part of that job description as I understand it, is to provide and protect.
#4 In the same way I am intrigued by wine making, even though I rarely drink, I am intrigued by a well, engineered gun or rifle, even though I rarely shoot.
#5 I would love to be more proficient in my marksmanship, and plan to work on that this year.
#6 I don’t hunt for sport anymore, but would not hesitate to hunt if I needed to put food on the table, because I love meat, and know where it comes from.
#7 I am not a member of any gun rights group.
#8 I am very thankful the country I live in still has gun ownership as part of it’s constitution. (see #1). I know several people who chose not to own a gun, and that is fine. That is their choice.
In pop culture today, it seems you have to say and think things in just a very narrow ways, or the other side will vilify you. I don’t care what the issue is.
The problem with that is, issues are never that simple. DM
I have been wanting to get laying hens for a while.
Sent the last ones packing about a year ago because we were not getting any eggs. It’s not that they were not laying, (they were). But because I was letting them free range, they were hiding the eggs all over the property. Then, one of the little stinkers acquired a taste for farm fresh eggs. It finally came to a head when they started venturing over to the neighbors every morning and stealing the neighbor lady’s cat food.
Free ranging chicken sounds good in theory, but a chicken has no concept of property lines, and when they can fly over a 6 ft fence, good luck telling them they have to stay home.
But in the back of my mind, Robert Fulguhm’s essay “Not Even Chickens” continued to cast a long shadow over my life.
I really do feel like a rich man when I have a few chickens.
So, while the desire was there, that didn’t mean I was just going to act on it.
Financially, I wanted having chickens fit into the big picture of our life and not be a slow bleed on our finances.
And then last week, I had enough discretionary money saved up between my monthly stipend, some cash I got for Christmas, and then more cash for my birthday to buy some chickens.
I figured 6 or 7 chickens would be perfect.
Decided to put out some feelers on a local garage sale site on Face book.
30 minutes later I had a lead. Lady had 13 pullets born in August, that had just started to lay. She was looking to get a different breed.
The only catch, I had to take all 13.
Then we started to talk money. I asked her what she wanted per bird? She wasn’t sure. How much would I pay her?
I hate dickering. Told her that right up front. Didn’t want to insult her, by being too low. She would just need to set a price and I could say yes or no.
Having bought chickens before, a fair price for a young laying hen starts around $10 a bird, and could be as much as $12 to $15, especially if you’re only getting a few.
She said, “Well I raised them from babies …I would like maybe $3.00 a bird but if that is too much we can talk.”
Told her I could pick them up Saturday morning.
As we finished loading the birds, She teared up as we put them in the back of my pick up. I could tell the chickens were her pets….her babies as she called them.
“They need to ride in the cab if it will fit” (the cage).
Temps that morning were single digit. I had brought a tarp, my intention was put them all in one cage together, throw a tarp over the cage for the ride home. (They would have been fine).
Well, the cage fit into the cab, (barely).
The ride home was interesting.
13 chickens taking up 2/3’s of the front seat. I managed to get the drop cloth under part of the cage. Wasn’t long before they were crapping past the tarp. I noticed my coffee mug was directly below an untarped portion of the cage. ;-(
I was glad to get home.
I really didn’t want to keep all 13 of the birds, so I put an ad on Craigslist Sunday morning.
Had an offer in 2 hours. Delivered those 6 hens Monday morning.
Paid $40 for 13 hens. Sold 6 for $60.
So there are now 7 happy healthy laying hens on the property and I’m $20 ahead.
Just got home after an hour cooped up with 13 nervous birds
Early morning view of the chicken house.
Life lesson in this for me again is this…
God knows the desires of my heart. He is not some cosmic Genie, nor is he a killjoy. He is unpredictable. And sometimes, in the most unexpected ways, he shows himself in my life. DM