Pretense

I was talking with my son on Saturday about his wreck of a car. He  had the passenger door torn apart trying to fix the lock.  He finally  got the lock to work but the inside  panel wouldn’t snap back on.  I joked that if he met someone who wanted to go out with him while he was  driving that car, then  she may be a keeper. 🙂

In the early 1990’s I had a young man named Dan  for me.    While were roofing my house  he began to open up.

He was  frustrated.

He said it was hard to establish a  relationship  not based just upon the physical.   Dan  was good-looking  and  had a great personality.

He said being too attractive was  a curse.

I’d never heard that from anyone before, but the more I thought about it, the more sense it made to me.

I believe it is hard wired into the human heart to desire significant  relationships with people who  love and accept us  for who we are.

At the same time, we  have good reason to be guarded and skeptical when someone shows an interest in us.

 

Pretense:   Mere show without reality; outward appearance.  Something imagined or pretended.  The act of pretending; a false appearance or action intended to deceive.

I hate pretense.

Hate it.

Kevin contacts me about building a house.   We meet, he is all smiles, seemed  like I was his long-lost buddy. He picks my brain about everything from who  to recommend  to which materials to use.  Later  he attempts to hire my employee  behind my back to save himself a few buck on trimming.  By the end of the job, I felt like I’d been played like a fish.  He used me for what he needed and then moved on.

Bloggers write for a plethora of reasons.

I blog for three reasons.

First as a  way to release this stuff that rumbles around in my head.

Secondly,  as a way to meet and connect with people in a meaningful way.

Thirdly, I’m hoping that once in a while , my kids will read some of the stuff I’ve written and it will make a difference.

WordPress encourages me   to comment on  blogs to build traffic.  I’ve been actively blogging on WordPress since 2007.

Now I love comments just as much as the next guy, but at some point I began to feel like I was playing Monopoly with pretend relationship money.   It wasn’t real.   It felt  shallow and superficial so  I  backed off from commenting just to build “traffic” over at my blog.   If I leave a comment now, it’s because you said something worth noting. 😉

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I leave you with two quotes by Emerson:

     “I do not wish to treat friendships daintily, but with roughest courage. When they are real, they are not glass threads or frost work, but the solidest thing we know.”         Emerson

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      “Our friendships hurry to short and poor conclusions, because we have made them a texture of wine and dreams, instead of the tough fibre of the human heart. The laws of friendship are austere and eternal, of one web with the laws of nature and of morals. But we have aimed at a swift and petty benefit, to suck a sudden sweetness. We snatch at the slowest fruit in the whole garden of God, which many summers and many winters must ripen.”
     Bashfulness and apathy are a tough husk, in which a delicate organization is protected from premature ripening. It would be lost if it knew itself before any of the best souls were yet ripe enough to know and own it. Respect the naturlangsamkeit which hardens the ruby in a million years, and works in duration.”
Naturlangsamkeit: a German word for a slow process of ripening
(DM’s translation:  Friendships take time to ripen…I  can’t  hurry the process….)
      “There are two elements that go to the composition of friendship, each so sovereign that I can detect no superiority in either, no reason why either should be first named. One is Truth. A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud. I am arrived at last in the presence of a man so real and equal, that I may drop even those undermost garments of dissimulation, courtesy, and second thought, which men never put off, and may deal with him with the simplicity and wholeness .”
       “We parry and fend the approach of our fellow-man by compliments, by gossip, by amusements, by affairs. We cover up our thought from him under a hundred folds……
 

take the mask off

I am thankful for a handful of relationships that have taken root directly as a result of blogging the past 8 years.  DM

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