It’s been a couple of years now….
I have a policy, I refuse to argue about current events, religious debates, cultural stuff, etc.
Doesn’t mean I don’t have opinions, and doesn’t mean I won’t talk about them with you, it’s just, 95% of the time those interactions are fruitless and drive people apart, rather than result in something positive, ie. like mutual understanding.
On top of that, I simply do not have the time to be conversant on every current “issue.”
Most of the time, the other party is not interested in understanding, they just want to vent.
I’m not doing it. 🙂
Last time it happened, I learned my lesson.
25 23 years I’d known this woman, there had never been any tension in our relationship/ ever..
Until that one day….
Something on the news had gotten her agitated. I could sense she wanted to vent.
Finally told her, I didn’t want it to degenerate into a conflict. (She already knew she and I would look at things differently.)
But she kept going/ prodding, poking, snipping, mocking.
Felt like someone taking a stick, banging on my bee hive. I was just a bee, minding my own business, doing what I do, making honey and tending baby bees…
And then, things went South.
The bees came out of the hive.
I saw a side of me, I prefer to keep in check, and I saw a side of her I’d never seen.
It took weeks, to shake off the negativity of that morning, even though we both apologized. It was like we opened Pandora’s box and all sorts of nasty’s came out.
Taught me a lesson.
All of us have within us a dark side.
Even the kindest, gentlest, sweetest soul you’ll ever meet.
All of us..
The other memory I have on this issue happened when our girls were 11 and 12. We were in the middle of the home schooling chapter in our lives. A new brother-in-law joined the extended family, and it wasn’t long before I got wind of him grilling, (and subtly mocking) the two older girls. He had his own baggage when it came to faith/ a domineering mother, etc) so I chalked it up to him being triggered…and then it happened. It was just he and I, and he pounced (on me) spoiling for a fight. Sixty seconds into his rant, I looked at him and said I wasn’t going to debate. I wasn’t going to go there. I valued my relationship with him and there was no way, he and I were going to come away from that pissing match in a better place.
His countenance changed.
It was like a heavy weight had lifted.
We agreed, that was probably for the best.
That was 25 years ago. We still get along. I can still see that knowing twinkle in his eyes. We have an understanding.
Now if he would have been in a different frame of mind, (open) I could have told him about my journey from total opposition to the idea of home schooling, (wife’s idea/ not mine) to coming to a place where all of my concerns (socialization, extra curricular activities, how could we teach subjects we ourselves as parents had struggled with, etc) had been addressed head on.
I was now excited about home schooling as a viable educational model.
None of that came out, because it couldn’t.
He didn’t have ears to hear.
Now 20 years later, I would add home schooling is not for every family, nor even every child in the same family. But to completely write it off, well you do not know what you are talking about.
Ever hear of her?
She is my role model when it comes to dealing with differences of opinion.
Her claim to fame is how she gardened.
Completely bucked the status quo, and the fruit of her gardening proved she was onto something. Eventually, people tried to put her on a pedestal, but she wouldn’t have it. Wouldn’t let them.
Refused to tell people what to think, but let the results speak for themselves.
That’s me. DM