“Well, I want it done right!” Dave told me yesterday. He sounded a little exasperated We were talking about how to proceed with tiling his shower.
I told him at the beginning of his project, I have done four tiling projects so far. If I didn’t know something I would not fake it. I do know who to ask most times if I have a question. Tiling is not rocket science, although there is more than one way to do things.
Yesterday, the plumber on the job, (who has also tiled), made some suggestions I had never heard of before on how to fabricate the shower base from scratch. Talk to three tilers and you’ll probably get three different approaches.
Same goes with bee keeping. It is not an exact science. We have a local husband and wife who both wanted to be bee keepers. Both wanting to do things right, had strong (different) opinions on what that looked like. They decided each needed their own hives to manage. End of conflict.
Side note…we opened our hive last Sunday. There were (9) new queen cells forming….
Talk to three different bee keepers and you will probably hear three different approaches to what to do next…..
When I took some classes years ago, called Introduction to Theology, I had a teacher that I really liked. I remember covering the topic of end times. The technical term is Eschatology. I found out there were at least (3) major schools of thought, with subsets even within that. We covered all three, thoroughly. At some point, the teacher shared with us where he was at in his understanding and why, but it never felt like he was trying to manipulate me to get me to a certain understanding.
I appreciate intellectual integrity, and don’t respond well to manipulation, lying or snark.
I have a strong independent streak. (Just ask my wife) 🙂
I use the same approach when it comes to politics, social issues and life in general. I used to meet with a friend on a regular basis over coffee to talk about local history. Sometimes our conversations would drift into politics and current events. We were polar opposites in some respects, (He was an anarchists I am not. 🙂 He served on the board of the ACLU/ absolutely hated Christians, organized religion, had served a tour of duty in Vietnam, which left him with another whole set of issues, I did not. But… we shared a love of local history, both grew up on a farm, and worked real hard at showing each other respect when we talked.
I had (and still have) a genuine intellectual curiosity, to try to understand why and how he was coming to some of his conclusions. I had (and have) absolutely zero interest in getting into a
pissing match conflict with someone about some issue. It is hard enough to get along and communicate effectively in the context of a healthy marriage…why in the world would I go looking to take a spin on the crazy cycle with the rest of the world…it ain’t going to happen.
Crazy cycle: a word picture for getting into a fight where you just go round and round and nothing is resolved.
Second year we were married, we went to a marriage workshop. One of the topics was how to have a good fight. Don’t you just love that title! 🙂
Conflict in and of itself is not always bad.
It is possible to express anger in a healthy way. It does not have to be destructive.
When seeking to resolve a conflict…try to stay on topic. If the issue is conflict about money, then don’t go off on bunny trails about other unresolved issues.
Schedule a time when you can talk ..ie. Wife and I have found, Saturday morning is a lot better time than right before bed to talk about money problems.
Don’t garbage dump, get historical, or hit below the belt (name calling, bringing up old wounds, etc.)
Use “I” statements rather than “you” statements…better to say, “I am angry because”, rather than, “You make me angry….”
So much of communication is nonverbal…ie. eye contact, tone of voice, etc. Don’t get into a conflict over the phone, via the internet, letter, etc. It is hard enough to really hear what the other person is saying in person.
Any other thoughts on conflict, difference of opinions, etc? I really appreciate those of you that take the time to read these ramblings.