From The World Of Bees…

My wife and I have been getting together for coffee at our local coffee-house with a small handful of people since 1999.  It is an open group.

Anyone is welcome.

What I have appreciated about this group (and why I think we have continued to get together  this many years) is because of what happens when we are together.

I come away feeling heard.

There has evolved a mutual give and take when it comes to our interactions.

The topics of conversation are rich and varied.

There is a lot of laughter.

It is hands down,  the high light of my week.

You’ll have to trust me on this next stuff, and believe me when I say, I am not embellishing anything.

Last week we were joined by Tim,  (who is a talker, and tends toward the negative).

The last time Tim joined  us,  was early last Fall, leading up to the election.  After a 3 minute angst and fear-mongering speech that felt like it was literally sucking the air out of the room, I couldn’t take it any more and asked him to stop.

Told him, that wasn’t the time or place.

I took everyone by surprise, including myself 🙂

He had (and has) no idea, how his presence completely changes the dynamic of our time together.

Instead of a mutual, give and take, he (literally) has to say something

every

single

time

someone else has spoken.

(Have you ever known someone like that?)

I’ve known Tim for 30 years, this is how he rolls.  I’ve heard his wife call him out on his talkativeness.

Pause.

To give you another word picture  from the world of bees….

A bee hive  is a cohesive,  collaborative group, where everyone works together for the common good.  Their goal is to put up enough honey so everyone will have enough to eat through the winter...everyone.

Once in a while, bumble bees, or yellow jackets  will show up with the intention of stealing the honey.

There is not a sense of give and take.

It is all about them.

Pause.

The “honey” in this case  (I think) Tim is attracted to, is having the undivided attention 5 or 6 people who are all good listeners.

I decided to keep quiet last Saturday and watch as Tim dominated the interaction.  We hadn’t seen Tim since I’d laid into him last fall and it just didn’t seem appropriate that I say something again.

If I knew Tim was thinking about coming on a regular basis, I would find a time to visit  outside of Saturday morning and  as nicely and diplomatically as possible ask him to just come and listen for a few weeks.

Because this group is such an important and long standing part of my life, I refuse to just roll over and do nothing.

If Tim is not at coffee, this coming Saturday, I definitely plan to bring up his most recent visit, …

and if he is there,  we will just have to see.

yellow-jacket-stealing-honey

Yellow jackets stealing honey.

google image

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5 thoughts on “From The World Of Bees…

  1. Yes I do know people like that. I believe you did what a good friend would do, stop a negative behavior without sending him on his way. The fact he didn’t come around for months may mean he didn’t receive the rebuke well. A true friend won’t let a person stay in a negative place, the way Jesus won’t let us stay unchanged. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. gotta look after the bees. I love those huge bumble bees that defy gravity and science by being able to fly. Don’t like wasps though (we call them jaspers over here) and I’ve seen a film of honey bees attacking an intruder which didn’t stand a chance. Yay for the bees!

    Liked by 1 person

    • and on that note…I just signed up for a 6 week introduction to bee keeping class this week. I am still moving in that direction.

      Interesting word “jaspers” has a mean nasty ring to it. I remember helping my dad when we first moved to the farm, pull out metal fence posts. turned out, one of the post (they were hollow) had a Jasper nest inside. They were not happy when I started to shake the post. Couple of them got me good.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. There are people I avoid as they crave attention.
    Outwardly there is nothing wrong with them, it’s just as you say, they need your undivided attention.

    Only at what point does politeness end and push start?
    Most people don’t like conflict and their one defence is to remove the stress aka the talkative friend. Thus after a while questions about your timetable, what’s on TV, did you read in the news, are all visible and audible clues that you MUST not answer in order to stop that first interection developing from one which you cannot escape from.

    Only have you ever noticed they also can’t take a hint?
    I used to just excuse myself. Sorry, can’t talk, I’ve got things to do.
    They probably know you’re lying, body language saying it all.
    Problem then is you have to remove yourself as they have invaded your space,
    And that’s just wrong!

    Now it’s blatant.
    “You really must phone before coming round, I’m too busy.”
    “Not today, enter name, I don’t want to talk today.”
    Then comes the dreaded question, “Why”.

    So often I’m thinking “Because you are getting on my nerves!”
    When what comes out is “Because I’ve got a few problems only I can sort out”.
    After that it’s door closed, out to lunch, sod off (but politely).

    Yet some annoyances can get out of hand.
    We had a guy once who used to irritate the hell out of our little team.
    Coming in from doing whatever, you would hear the collective groan as the idiot was seen waiting for us. He was warned, visibly ejected a couple of times, and officially told by our leadership to leave us alone.

    He didn’t.
    Someone fragged him (and no it wasn’t me).
    The suspect list was wide we found out later as it was rumoured that he was after a medical discharge by annoying everyone.
    So finally he got his wish, to go home, only not on two feet.

    Like

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