When I was @ the lumberyard yesterday, the store manager asked me if I’d built such and such a building this fall… (a $400,00 commercial project 30 minutes from here).
“Nope, I said, although Jason and I did spend a month doing the landscaping…”
“Oh, I was just wondering” he said….
I thought to myself, I don’t have the crew nor desire to take on that large of a project….
Then fleeting thoughts of “failure…looser” went through my mind, but I ignored them.
This year, I have been doing mostly small repairs, building doors for a dairy set up, tables, fixing holes in buildings.. still working, but nothing large.
Yes, there are times I wish I was generating more $ 😉
and yet….there is a young man I know whom I see regularly at the lumberyard, He just starting his own business. He recently purchased a 2016 full size pickup with all the bells and whistles. I know from various sources, he has financial problems… Doing the type of work I do, there is no way, I generate enough net income to afford that truck….but if you were to meet him and I, and judge us solely by the trucks we drive, you would think he is more successful than I…..
(I drive a Toyota Tundra with 180,000 miles on it, that is paid for)
I love what I do…but (and I’ve written about this before) when our kids were younger, I was doing a poor job of managing my time. My marriage and family was floundering. We were living pay check to pay check. I was gone a lot. My wife was doing 99% of the work raising our kids, and we were drifting apart as a couple.
She finally said to me, “I can’t do this anymore.”
Then came across the following…
“If you make it to the top of the company ladder, but loose your family in the process, you are a fool….”
and another one…”if you are a hero to strangers, but a stranger to your children... (same thing/ you are a fool).
Whop/ Felt like someone had hit me across the nose with a 2 by 4…
So here I sit, almost 30 years removed from that season of my life, no longer a driven, workaholic and I meet young men all of the time chasing the same rabbit around the track I used to chase…
But there is more than one way to measure success.
I have two areas of my life that I keep an eye on.
Like gauges on an engine…
One is called relationship.
Relationship. My relationship with God, (as I understand him) my relationship with my wife and children.. relationships with the rest of the people in my life. (Which is also why I invest time blogging..I really do value those of you that I interact with here!)
And the second (and equally important) gauge, my heart…
Not my physical heart, but, the inner/ hidden person of my heart.
There is a mantra (I try) to keep in the fore-front of my life, that goes like this: “Keep, (or guard) your heart with all vigilance (or diligence) for from it flows the springs of life…”
ie. inner life: (peace, joy, and all of that) flow out of an artesian spring, down deep in the bedrock of my heart… because of the world in which I live, my heart can easily become dirty and fouled, cluttered with too many job pressures, financial pressures, etc.
So, if work, (or anything for that matter) is choking the life out of me, then it behooves me to do something about it.