Spiders Among Us

The following thoughts are darker than what I typically write about, but there has to be a place to talk about this stuff, so there you go..

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On my night stand right now, I am reading the book by John Maxwell called The Winning Attitude. I like to start (and sometimes finish) my day, thinking wholesome thoughts.  What I fill my mind with does have a way of trickling down to how I feel…

“Garbage in garbage out”, I’ve been told they say in computer programming circles,  so I’m very mindful of that when I tell you the following….

Earlier this week, I read a story in our local paper  about Tony and Lynn.*   They own a local farmstead and are in the process of opening a small petting zoo.

That news really bothered me.

Few years ago, we had a guest stay with us for several weeks.  One evening she came home to tell me about an encounter she’d had, at a local upscale eatery. She’d met the nicest couple, Tony and Lynn.*  During the course of their conversation, Tony found out our guest was looking for short term work…Tony suggested talking with Lynn, who was an artist.  Lynn was always looking for people  to pose.  The gig paid $40 an hour. My guest was seriously thinking about taking them up on the opportunity.

What I knew, (and my guest didn’t know) was Tony and Lynn, were actively part of a lifestyle that promotes adultery, (they are swingers) and while I didn’t want to tell my guest how to live her life,  neither did I want  her naive as to who (and what) she was dealing with.

A human Spider….a predator.

spider - Copy

Google Image   Picture of *Tony  (not his real name)

Back in my teens I had an encounter with a predator “Tony like” in nature. Fortunately,  I sensed something was amiss and was able to leave before things got too weird, these many years later, the memory still gives me the creeps.

Used to have a lot of interaction with another blogger on the East Coast. She was a Christian, single mom, raising three young sons by herself.  At some point, she shared with me, something had happened to one of the boys  at the local skating rink that wasn’t good…something sexual in nature, with one of the workers..this was around the same time, something had happened to someone close to us.

Nobody gets a free pass this side of eternity.

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“Be wise….yet innocent as a dove…”

 

 

 

 

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4 thoughts on “Spiders Among Us

  1. When it comes to kids, you can’t ever be too careful. I think that goes without saying. My signals would be on high alert, knowing what you know, the history and background, and reading of this new venture…a petting zoo that is ultimately designed to attract kids. Of course, no one can accuse any wrong doing, and no one should assume that what consenting adults decide to do may then carry over into other, non-consenting behaviors with non-adults…but… my thoughts would be heading in the same direction yours appear to be DM. Let’s hope we are both wrong…

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  2. DM, sadly, human predation has been with us for a long, long time. It’s a hard call to make. Knowing what you know about these people, I can understand your concern. While partner swapping make not be illegal, it is immoral. The petting zoo situation waves a big red flag. While one cannot assume, it may be their way of finding fresh blood. Perhaps you could express your concerns to the local authorities. No one wants to be labeled an alarmist, but you could rest knowing you didn’t remain silent. Adam stood by, silently, while the devil deceived Eve. His sin was in not speaking out. What if? Best regards, Dennis

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  3. At the risk of completely exposing myself as crazy godless liberal (I am not godless, actually, as you know, but I am probably a bit nuts and definitely liberal)–I am going to play the contrarian here. For me, consensual acts between adults are REALLY different from predatory (or any kind) of non-consensual acts. As I understand swingers, they are people who are married to each other and choose to have “open” marriages– i.e. engage in sex with other consenting adults, maybe together? (Truthfully, my ideas about swinging come from old 1980s movies so may be really off). From a Judeo-Christian point of view, of course this is wrong– because sex outside of marriage is wrong, period. I can’t argue with that– if your belief system says something is wrong, it’s wrong. But I want to point out what a difference there is between consensual acts between adults– which may turn out to be “immoral,” or bad choices, or whatever– but are CHOSEN by the parties involved– vs. anything undertaken without consent. Sexual abuse of minors and/or coerced interactions of ANY kind– even just interactions where people feel unsafe and there is an implied threat– strike me as a totally different thing. This may or may not be a good metaphor, but to me, it’s the difference between boxing and child abuse. I personally am not a big boxing fan, but I also don’t judge the people who do it– because they are adults, interacting with other adults. If their spouses do or don’t like them boxing (risking their health quite drastically), they are at least not boxing in secret– they are doing it in public and their spouses have a choice of being supportive or not. An adult who hits a child in an out of control way is doing irreparable harm, whether a mark is left or not. In boxing, there are no victims, only participants. In physical child abuse, there is a clear victim and a clear victimizer. An adult who repeatedly makes a child feel unsafe and attacked is, in my book, doing something TRULY immoral, against not just the letter but also the spirit of the law. Getting back to swingers: it is my understanding that, when two people engage in swinging together, they are participants, not victimizers. They are (I believe) only meant to engage in “swinging” with other swingers–i.e. other consenting adults. It is my understanding that swingers explicitly choose this lifestyle in part because it is “open” and does not rely on subterfuge, lying, or misrepresenting intentions. (Unlike, for instance, the literally MILLIONS of people who engage in adultery ONLY by lying, subterfuge, and breaking their word). Is this how I want to live my life (and do I think it’s really workable or likely to be fair to all involved)? No. But for me, I’d draw a strong line between real criminals– people who prey on others– and people who may be sinners in your book– but who do not victimize others. I guess I would wish for a “hate the sin but not the sinners” attitude. That all said…I don’t know “Tony or Lynn” so maybe I’ve got it all wrong. But if they inhabit a world of swingers, this does NOT necessarily mean they engage in victimization of anyone….and in fairness to them, I’d want to be sure to make a distinction unless something told me otherwise.

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