As I putter about my kitchen this morning, sauteing freshly picked winter onions from the garden patch, I have been aware of a “free floating angst.”
I go down a mental check list of things I am thankful for…
I have work.
I love my job…and have loved it for 40 years.
I have enough work to get me into July, and the building season has just begun.
The Orchard….the apple trees are again in bloom. It feels like I wake up in a park most mornings.
Current evening routine.
We started reading another book together in the evenings. Larkrise To Candleford by Flora Thompson. Watched the complete series on Amazon Prime, left me wanting more. The series was loosely based off a book, and the writers for BBC stopped midstream, leaving us with lots of unanswered questions 🙂 Ordered a used hardcover copy of the book that we hope to peck away at in the evenings for the foreseeable future.
Feelings follow thoughts. Not an absolute rule of human nature, but in general that is how it works. When I meditate on dark things, it tends to put me into a dark mood.
So, why the angst?
A quick inventory of the stuff sloshing around in my brain this morning include….
Friend A- not acknowledging nor returning my texts.
Friend B- ignoring my counsel, overly suspicious, manipulative and forgetful.
I came across the following quote by Mr Rogers again last night:
“Forgiveness is a strange thing. It can sometimes be easier to forgive our enemies than our friends. It can be hardest of all to forgive people we love. Like all of life’s important coping skills, the ability to forgive and the capacity to let go of resentments most likely take root very early in our lives…”
In friend A’s case, I plan to get a hold of him today to visit in person. He has not been his normal self for several months. We will have a good visit and clear the air, one way or the other.
In friend B’s case, I have made a decision to step back and stop giving input into the situation. It wasn’t like I was sticking my nose where it didn’t belong, rather, he has asked me my opinion on multiple construction related issues, but he has asked so many people I don’t think he knows who to listen to or trust. I don’t pretend to know all the answers, BUT, this is one of those situations where it is probably best to step back from the roll of construction counselor completely…I think of those of you that are Doctors…if a patient comes to you looking for direction, but refuses to listen, then it’s no longer your monkey…
The hard part for me is watching someone ignore your counsel, knowing they are going to be spending ten’s of thousands of dollars needlessly.
This stuff might sound trivial to you (and on one level it is) but, what concerns me more is how much energy, and peace of mind these two situations have sucked out of my life of late. I seem to be regressing instead of growing in the “life’s important coping skills department.” For years (ever since first reading Norman Vincent Peale’s book on positive thinking,) I have prided myself in my ability to keep a
good great attitude in situations that would cause other people around me to grumble or fret.
If I come to mind tomorrow morning, and you believe in this sort of thing, keep me in your prayers. I am scheduled for an MRI at 9:45. I think it involves being stuck in one of those tubes. I’ve never had one before and am honestly looking forward to it just a little. (New life experience) 😉 Some people say they get nervous being in a confined space. I don’t think that will be a problem for me…but something is not quite right with my psa count and my Urologist suggested this is our next step. DM