When Someone’s Hitting On Your Spouse

     I ran into “Jackass” Friday at  a Buy Fresh workshop .  Here’s his picture:

He mentioned he and his wife hadn’t seen us for awhile  (it’s been two years).  I’m not sure what to do with him  them relationally.   He suggested we needed to get together again.

Every time we are with them- Virtually every time  “Jackass” will say some form of …”It’s too bad you are here (meaning me ) …MM  (my wife) is who I really enjoy seeing“.   😉   (or some variation of that statement)

We’ve known this couple for 8 years.  He’s a 60 year old hippie, been married a time or two….he’s a big flirt with every attractive woman he sees…not just my wife… to be perfectly honest, for the first 5 years we knew them, I thought to myself..he’s harmless enough..that’s just “Jackass.”

Scripture talks about how the words  we use are an index of our heart…both good and bad…we give others a glimpse into our hearts by what we  talk about.

Anyway, 3 years ago, in another friendship we had as a couple…I kept insisting  that the boyfriend of my wife’s good friend was an out and out pervert.  Guys can pick up on things in other men, I swear women are sometimes blind to.   My wife wasn’ t so sure,  so I  had to bite my tongue, so not to rock the boat.  One day my wife comes home and says…”You were right about Wilbur.  He is a pervert, he tried to kiss two  women who   stayed over night @ so and so’s house.” 

      I wept  from  the pent up turmoil I’d been carrying for over a year. 

My wife and I had a heart to heart talk , we  both agreed “Jackass” while not cut out of the same cloth as Wilbur,  was a firt, why submit our marriage to that?   So we backed  off.  It was hard because we did enjoy his wife’s company.

Any suggestions?….?  Address things head on with Jackass and his wife?  If so,  where and when?  Have you ever had to deal with this sort of thing?


10 thoughts on “When Someone’s Hitting On Your Spouse

  1. I typically just back off and disappear like you do, but in fairness the other person cannot fix what they do not know and I never have any idea if they have been given a clue from anyone else. I struggle with that. I hate confrontation in my social life with a passion. I play a role at the office and that sort of confrontation in my professional life is easy. The social aspect is a challenge.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I appreciate you saying that. (that the social sphere is a challenge for even you) When I was thinking about posting this one, I was reminded of that old codger you wrote about who was so vulgar and how you handed him.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. There used to a guy in our group who was like that, always making flirty but sexual innuendo type comments. Finally one day I spun around, smiled and told him – dream on! He smartened up – I think he grew up like this, that’s what was modeled for him by his jerk of a father. Personally I think people need to be called out on their behavior — so if pressed on why you aren’t quickly setting up a dinner date with them, be honest. “We aren’t comfortable around you – you often make comments that make us both uneasy and because of that, we’d rather not.” People can’t fix what they don’t acknowledge. Be prepared for him to rage, typical behavior. Not your problem. Doesn’t mean its easy to do – but it’s worth doing vs. having to put the effort into dodging them. If people wanted us to tell nice stories about them they should have behaved better!! 🙂 MJ

    PS sometimes folks see a strong couple and their instinct is to pick what they don’t have, happens to us regularly

    Liked by 2 people

  3. No, your marriage doesn’t need that kind of “friend”. You can be kind, but you need to be direct. Tell him that his behavior is disrespectful to both you and your wife. He’s not going to own up to it. And, if that be the case, then you must discontinue the relationship. You can wait until he wants to visit again, but there’s no time like now to deal with the matter. It won’t be fun, but it needs to be settled. Dennis

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I had not been in such situation. All I can say, it always feels best to follow one’s heart, forgetting all that stuff – what will she think, what will he think, what if this, what if that…


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