I Am No Polly Anna

I have not been my normal jovial self for months.

How does a person maintain their inner joy when the circumstances of their life begin to really crowd in?

I’m not sure I am the person to answer that, because in spite of me diligently guarding my mind, pursuing  positive thinking and clinging onto my faith as best I know how, I have become a grumpy person to live with (and work for.)

Much  of what has been coming out of my mouth has sounded a lot like venting.

I was up at 2 AM this morning, fired off an e-mail to a co-worker, that either he agrees to helping me finish the current project we are on, 5 days a week or I tell the homeowner they need to find another crew to help them finish siding their project.

It felt good to finally get to that point.

Felt like I  lanced a boil or pulled a tooth that has been throbbing for weeks.

Yesterday,  I was again without any help, ended up stocking a roof by myself (that is when you put the shingles up on a roof and disperse them, getting them ready for the roofer.)  20 square of shingles, over 4800 pounds of shingles.

A woman I know, quite well , would spend hours, editing and tweaking any pictures or words she would post on-line,  the image she presented to the world was one of polish.  I happened to have a ringside seat behind the scenes and while I get why she did what she did, the simple truth was, the image she attempted to portray was not real.   The person I saw was full of irregularities (just like me)

When she was at some of her low points, there was a beauty and vulnerability that was endearing…but when she was on her game (as she defined it)  she tended to be arrogant, and  extremely self-centered.

Anyway,  I think I may have turned the corner in the middle of the night with the anger, angst and stress that have been slowly building…at least for now.

I have no interest in living a Polly Anna life.

Neither do I want to be a dark nay-sayer, always thinking and seeing the worst.

While I have been pretty successful at keeping the dark, negativity out of my life when it comes to current events, (I simply limit the amount of media exposure I take in)

I am still learning how to keep my inner bearings when work and life pressures choke out the joy.

Here’s a link to  an interesting read if you have the time on this topic. DM

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4 thoughts on “I Am No Polly Anna

  1. This post clears up some of the replies you have sent my way regarding the whole gratitude theme…sorry that things are seeming dark and dismal right now, I can easily relate to the grumpier side and something I am/will be reflecting on in today’s final gratitude post. Here’s to better times, getting the worries and stress figured out, and not being perfect… but at least feeling like less of a snarky human 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Whoa, I read the linked article! I have a tendency to be a Polly Anna… my awareness is up thanks to you. What stood out was the reference that Polly Anna’s can seem one dimensional. I guess I’ve leaned this way because I don’t want to get someone’s attention only because I am yelling. But then, I was just saying yesterday to my parents, “Of course my two sisters adore me, I never tell them what I really think.”
    A lot to chew on here.
    Thanks DM!
    * For the record, I’ve never thought you a curmudgeon or a Polly Anna, quite balanced in fact. So good for you, realizing that coworker needed some strong words sent his way!

    Liked by 1 person

    • thanks Susan. Your comment is one of the highlights of my afternoon!~ That article did have a lot to wrap my mind around…I need to revisit it because I it was a lot I want to process.

      Liked by 1 person

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