I have not been my normal jovial self for months.
How does a person maintain their inner joy when the circumstances of their life begin to really crowd in?
I’m not sure I am the person to answer that, because in spite of me diligently guarding my mind, pursuing positive thinking and clinging onto my faith as best I know how, I have become a grumpy person to live with (and work for.)
Much of what has been coming out of my mouth has sounded a lot like venting.
I was up at 2 AM this morning, fired off an e-mail to a co-worker, that either he agrees to helping me finish the current project we are on, 5 days a week or I tell the homeowner they need to find another crew to help them finish siding their project.
It felt good to finally get to that point.
Felt like I lanced a boil or pulled a tooth that has been throbbing for weeks.
Yesterday, I was again without any help, ended up stocking a roof by myself (that is when you put the shingles up on a roof and disperse them, getting them ready for the roofer.) 20 square of shingles, over 4800 pounds of shingles.
A woman I know, quite well , would spend hours, editing and tweaking any pictures or words she would post on-line, the image she presented to the world was one of polish. I happened to have a ringside seat behind the scenes and while I get why she did what she did, the simple truth was, the image she attempted to portray was not real. The person I saw was full of irregularities (just like me)
When she was at some of her low points, there was a beauty and vulnerability that was endearing…but when she was on her game (as she defined it) she tended to be arrogant, and extremely self-centered.
Anyway, I think I may have turned the corner in the middle of the night with the anger, angst and stress that have been slowly building…at least for now.
I have no interest in living a Polly Anna life.
Neither do I want to be a dark nay-sayer, always thinking and seeing the worst.
While I have been pretty successful at keeping the dark, negativity out of my life when it comes to current events, (I simply limit the amount of media exposure I take in)
I am still learning how to keep my inner bearings when work and life pressures choke out the joy.
Here’s a link to an interesting read if you have the time on this topic. DM