Suggestive Remarks In Mixed Company

 We attended a small  retirement dinner last night for a friend.  Of the 7 couples there, I knew two of them.

Now I am no Pollyanna, I’ve worked for  40 plus years in the construction field, and have heard it all.

More than once.

I’m actually desensitized to profanity, having been around it so much.

Before we ate, we went around the table introducing ourselves

What made last night’s suggestive remarks by one of the men on the other end of the table so agitating  were three things.

He started by saying he and his dear wife had been married for 60 years.

Secondly, he professes to be person of strong religious faith.

Thirdly,  his suggestive comments were in mixed company.

There was (is) a real part of me that would have liked to call him out on it,  but last night was not the place.

I am not a self-righteous twit….really I’m not.  But the older I get, the less I am willing to give a pass to old men who think they can get away with telling crude jokes, because they’ve done it before.

Quick story-

I was on a tour of the Pella Window company manufacturing plant , along with several other builders and their clients. (There were 15 to 20 of us.)  One of the contractors, (who happened to be a preferred Pella contractor)  had  brought along a young couple  who were thinking about building a home.  The contractor was 10 to 15 years older than me. Sharp dresser, quick wit, and a dirty mind.  One suggestive sexual comment after another. (I’m not talking one slightly off-color comment but multiple.)   I got home and vented to my wife about the unprofessional behavior I’d been witness to for a couple of hours. All I could think about was if that was my wife he had been hitting on, there would have been scene.  Normally, if something like that is bothering me after talking about it with my wife, I am able to get it go…but in this case, I was still ticked, and not sure if I should say something to someone from Pella or not..

This was not a black and white situation, but because the guy did have a business relationship with Pella, I decided to follow up with a  call to  my Pella Rep. After I gave him specifics he said he was going to follow-up on it.

(Tour was on a Friday afternoon.)

The following Monday morning…6 AM, I was just starting to get ready for the day.  My phone rings.  It was the contractor I’d Narked on.  He had some pointed questions for me and I gave him some pointed replies…in spite of the fact I was just waking up. 🙂

Normally a little sense of humor can go along ways in diffusing these kind of things…maybe it was the blatant hypocrisy that got me last night.

Sorry if this post is a little bit of a downer.

I try to stay away from venting here as much as possible…..  but I do feel better now having written it out.   🙂

Any thoughts, comments, or questions?  DM


7 thoughts on “Suggestive Remarks In Mixed Company

  1. Glad you feel better for putting your feelings on paper. Sometimes these people don’t know when to shut up. I don’t mind a good joke or a little bit of suggestive comment, but there is a time and a place…….. and in whose company.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. isn’t it something when the person being rude and a jerk tries to make you feel bad for calling out their rude jerkiness? That’s always the way it goes, it seems. Stand up anyways — I’ve found those ingrates usually know they’re out of control and are looking around to see if anyone is brave enough to “check” them.

    Well done, DM!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I hear you. I worked for over a decade in heavily male dominated manufacturing industry, had seen it all. I tried not to make big deal out of it, and as long as comments or remarks were not way way way over the line, just let it go with a bit of humor. Sometimes it is almost harder for me to accept the insanity of political correctness these days and people afraid to say at all what is on their mind. Then we end up with sick society who think certain things, but are not allowed to say anything anywhere, they expressed their repressed emotions in many other sick ways.
    In a company that has not laid anyone off or fired anyone for a 100 years, I worked with a man who would give out quite a few remarks. Eventually he got in trouble with one higher up and got fired. I think he imagined the world was still like it was 30 years ago. That line of funny vs hurtful can be murky sometimes. Cultural differences can be huge. I worked with men from Brazil, Venezuela, Italy, and what remarks are accepted in those cultures would be considered inappropriate in modern day American business world. Complete eradication of any gender mention, and gender lines as we have today is pretty sad too, we start feeling like robots cut out of the same sheet metal. . .
    The saddest incident I had was when a coworker was visiting inappropriate websites in front of me and another female co-worked day after day in our office, and when we asked our manager to address it, the manager (male) dismissed our concerns, and took it lightly. Eventually, we ended up going above his head, and the person got fired. I felt sorry for the guy, but he either needed to learn the lesson or needed some help.
    On the lighter note, I wished I could have heard your exchange with that Mr. Remarks.

    Liked by 1 person

    • One of our daughters worked @ a local golf club when she was 16…Sweetest personality you can imagine. I did not find out until much later the level of sexual harassment she was subject to. I seriously wanted to go there w/ a baseball bat and give one of them a major attitude adjustment… When I got the phone call from Mr Remarks, it took me about 30 seconds to connect the dots as to who was on the other end of the phone line and why he was so intense @ 6 in the morning 🙂 Once I realized who it was, I ran toward the battle line as they only took a couple of seconds to get re-in touch with my original anger…I surprised myself @ how articulate and non-apologetic I was able to be @ 6 in the morning. Tease me all you want, I have a pretty good wicked sense of humor myself, but mess with my kids and that’s a whole different story.

      Liked by 2 people

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