Breakfast with dad for his birthday
Went out for an early breakfast with my dad and siblings this morning at the local truck stop. This event has become an annual event that I have started to look forward to.
Mom was not there, although I asked her if she would join us. She told me, when she is there, dad will let her do most of the talking so she wanted to stay home and not take away from his special day.
Growing up, dad, by his own admission was a workaholic and was not present for most of our growing up years. Not until I was in my 40’s did dad begin an annual ritual where he would take each of the kids out, one on one, for a birthday breakfast. At some point, the idea came to us that wouldn’t it be fun to take him out on his birthday…and the rest is history.
This whole birthday get together did not start until dad was in his 70’s.
There is definitely a life lesson there for me…it is never to late to reverse longstanding inter personal family life patterns. What it takes is a good dose of humility, and courage to be the first person to make a move. In my case, it was my dad who first moved out of his comfort zone. That’s not saying there wasn’t a fair amount of dead air those first several birthdays..we didn’t have a lot to talk about except work, which ended up being mostly what we talked about. 🙂
This morning’s breakfast was definitely the best one yet for me. The youngest one of my siblings is now well into her 40’s…most of our children have graduated high school…all except for one nephew.
I am the first-born, my oldest will turn 35 in a couple of weeks, so I am a few miles ahead of the rest of my siblings.
One of the things I enjoy hearing is the parenting questions/ struggles of my siblings.
“Enjoy” is a relative word.
I coul write several dozen blog posts on those years that we navigated those teen through late 20’s years. I told someone recently, it was like being lost in the Amazon jungle for 15 years, not sure where we were most of the time, hacking my way through dense undergrowth, one challenge after another…until one day..we finally came into a clearing…
The whole parenting gig changed me. It broke me in some areas. I have a much more healthy concept of my role in their lives as adults.
I am their peer.
I work really hard at NOT putting pressure on any of their choices.
A controlling parent of an adult child is an ass.
He or she needs to learn how to back off.
I’ve always tried to see parenting as me trying to work myself out of a job.
Like the eagle that stirs the nest (ie. kicks their baby out of the nest so it is forced to learn to fly.)
So sitting around 4 other parents who are at different phases of the process is really quite interesting…;.
And there @ the end of the table sits my dad, who has had to walk through the same process with each of us.
He did bring up the time he found me asleep in the cab of the combine, after a night of partying this morning at breakfast. 🙂
I laughed. So did the rest of them.
” Some of us got caught, and some of us didn’t.” said my sister.