Nobody knew I have been coddling a low grade bad attitude toward Kevin this week. He has been one of my closest confidant’s for the past 10 years.
We hung out last weekend.
Every two or three months we will make a trip to where he lives ( 45 minutes), go out for a bite to eat, then as often as not, hang out for another hour to catch up on each other’s lives.
Our friendship became more active about 5 years ago, after he went through multiple heartaches. I’m not going to list them, other than to say, imagine loosing a mate or child…take that emotional pain and multiply it by 3 in the span of 3 years.
Mind numbing, random, confusing, heartache upon heartache.
During those years, I’ve helped him move, done random projects around the house because he was just so overwhelmed, have had dozens of heart to heart conversations, mostly listened, as he has tried to regain his emotional balance.
Last Fall, I could sense he had turned the corner on a lot of his grief. I don’t think you ever “get over” some kinds of grief, I do think the intensity of it can taper off a little.
When we hung out last Saturday, It felt like he was working real hard to stay engaged, but there was definitely an emotional disconnect as we were together.
Things are not the same. His life is starting to become full.
Wife even commented on it when we got home.
It feels like the relationship has started to go stale.
I’ve lived long enough now to experience the ebb and flow of relationships in my life. Not all of them continue on and on…throw in a move, or graduation, or children enter the picture, you name it, people change, relationships change.
I get that.
Kevin said he may be moving out of state within the year.
I was feeling just a little sad and devalued after hanging out.
Speaking just for myself, If I’m not careful ,
sometimes, (often?) feelings of rejection will not stay like that for very long. They have a way of fermenting into a low grade bad attitude, I know better than to nurse a grudge, but sometimes, somehow, I still manage to build a wall in my heart. How dare you hurt me. So I wall off another little corner of my heart, stick another relationship up in a box in my closet and move on.
Men I think are especially good @ compartmentalizing things.
I know I am.
So, anyway, this morning someone posted one of those cute little clips on Youtube.
It helped me see my relationship with Kevin in a whole new light…..
I am a turtle tipper.