Why You Don’t Want To Move To Iowa

Hinterlands:  a region lying beyond major metropolitan or cultural centers

German, from hinter hinder + Land

First Known Use: 1890

Synonyms : back country, back lands, backwoods, frontier, outback, up-country

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Dear Dave,

I know you are thinking strongly about moving to Iowa.  Thought I would jot you a quick note to give you my perspective.  When I hear the word “hinterland” I think of Iowa. Especially that part about being  “beyond the cultural centers.”  Culture is the last thing you’ll ever experience here in Iowa.

My great grand father came to Iowa from Germany before the turn of the century.  Not sure what he was thinking.   There is absolutely nothing here to see or do.  As your friend, I would strongly encourage you to think long and hard before you relocate to such a barren place.  I’m trying to be objective as I write this but I’d rather error on the side of caution, so you won’t be overwhelmed, in the event you would decide to come.

  This past Winter, we had a several week stretch where the temperatures did not get above 10 degrees.    Ice and snow storms are common from the first of November through March.

Once we get into May, it’s tornado season.  If you look on the map, we are in the upper area of what is called “tornado alley.”

Electricity only came to our area recently and we still can’t get a good signal for an internet connection.

And the quietness of this place will drive you batty.

The air is dirty and the soil poor.

The water that comes out of the ground is also tainted with all sorts of nasty stuff.

Prices for groceries are probably double the national average.

There are no jobs to be had and the smartest thing I would recommend is you stay right where you are at.

It’s best to live in an area with a higher population density. There is a reason McDonald s doesn’t put a restaurant in towns of less than 10,000, although I hear they have started to make some exceptions with that.

I know there are a few alarmist that write about behavioral sink.

I don’t believe  a word of it.

They claim that cramming too many people in to small an area results in behaviors such as (quoting now) “aggression, submissiveness, sexual deviance, and reproductive abnormalities….

explosive violence, hypersexual activity followed by asexuality, and self-destruction…

More than six hundred mice now lived in Universe 25, constantly rubbing shoulders on their way up and down the stairwells to eat, drink, and sleep. Mice found themselves born into a world that was more crowded every day, and there were far more mice than meaningful social roles. With more and more peers to defend against, males found it difficult and stressful to defend their territory, so they abandoned the activity. Normal social discourse within the mouse community broke down, and with it the ability of mice to form social bonds. The failures and dropouts congregated in large groups in the middle of the enclosure, their listless withdrawal occasionally interrupted by spasms and waves of pointless violence. The victims of these random attacks became attackers. Left on their own in nests subject to invasion, nursing females attacked their own young. Procreation slumped, infant abandonment and mortality soared. Lone females retreated to isolated nesting boxes on penthouse levels. Other males, a group Calhoun termed “the beautiful ones,” never sought sex and never fought—they just ate, slept, and groomed, wrapped in narcissistic introspection. Elsewhere, cannibalism, pansexualism, and violence became endemic.

Mouse society had collapsed….”

You can read more about those experiments here.

We’re not rats or mice, so I don’t think their theories apply.

Let me know if you have any questions, I’ll do my best to give it to you straight.

Here are a few recent pictures I’ve taken.

Don’t let them fool you.  This is not a good place to raise a family.

sunrise in Iowa

Sunrise

IMG_3779

October morn

Saturday morning sunrise

Morning in the orchard

novembermorning3

November morning sky

evening light

After the harvest

misty march morning

 Misty morning in March

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Update 4-11-2015

Do you have any questions for me about Iowa?  What is the closest you’ve been to being here?

I’m slowing moving some blog posts from my other sites over here, since this is now my main/ active blog. A few of you may have seen this one before. 😉  DM

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13 thoughts on “Why You Don’t Want To Move To Iowa

    • It was an attempt @ sarcasm. I’ve had more than one person comment on how it must be boring, and have nothing to do, living in Iowa. Yes, Iowa does not have the cultural opportunities compared to New York City or some other large metropolitan, area (although there is more to do here than you might think) What we also don’t have is the crowding and nastiness that sometimes comes with packing people too tightly together. “Dave” is a composite of those people in my life who disdain small town Iowa. Little history trivia for you… I read that when the Vikings discovered Iceland and Greenland, they didn’t want a bunch of other people to emigrate there and spoil the beauty, so they named their favorite discovery “Ice Land” (who would want to move to a place like that?) and Greenland- a place with harsh conditions…figured once they got a taste of Greenland, no way would they push further toward Iceland. One of the reasons I love Iowa (which literally means beautiful land) is the lack of crowds, hustle, bustle, etc. I’m glad you asked. DM

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I remember this post. I liked it then, and i like it now. It reminds me of the bumper sticker that was popular on the west coast back in the seventies (?): “Don’t Californicate Oregon.”

    Other than that, I’m living proof that you can take the girl out of Iowa, but you can’t take Iowa out of the girl. 🙂

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    • I have never heard that bumpersticker before but I like it! That makes me feel good that you still have some Iowa coursing through your soul. 😉 You know what’s funny, when I was trying to decide whether or not to repost this one, I saw your comment on it the last time I’d posted it…I thought to myself, Linda will probably get tired of me reposting things she’s already read before. (and I was wrong). Good to hear from you. DM

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  2. Man, if only we could up sticks and move to such a depressing place.
    Only one snag, your government doesn’t want knackered oldies from the UK.
    Especially those without sack loads of money.
    Something about the “special relationship” not extending to the little folk in life.
    So, I’ll just have to sit here and read about your boring land and look at the boring scenery.

    Liked by 2 people

    • If you ever get the urge to travel this way, shoot me a note. I would love to show you around, maybe do a little target practice, etc. We closed the b and b but still have a spot for traveling guests such as yourself. You’d fit right in ..ie I’m also one of those little folk w/o a sack of $. who needs $ when you can barter and have a marketable skill set…see, I am paying attention to your blog 😉 good to hear from you! DM

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  3. I have to say that i like small-town Iowa well enough – small towns are definitely an acquired taste, but they are a taste I have acquired. What I hate about Iowa are those mid-sized cities that want SO BADLY to be bigger and more important than they are and it drives them all crazy.

    Unfortunately I grew up in one of those mid-sized cities and so I could. not. understand why anyone would voluntarily choose to live in Iowa. Except, of course, for the snotty people that congregate in the mid-sized cities and brag to each other about how superior they are.

    It wasn’t until I had to go to a small Iowa town for work that I began to appreciate that not ALL of Iowa is like the place that I grew up hating. I actually enjoyed myself there and made some great connections with the people there.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Athena C Thanks for your comment! Quick question..how in the world did you stumble across this blog post? I’m always curious as to how someone finds their way here. I like your analogy about it being an acquired taste. DM

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’m always looking for things to read – it’s a bit of an addiction! So one of the things I do is check out the blogs of people who “like” comments I make on other posts.

        Scrolling down my notifications quickly, I see that you “liked” a comment I made on Victo Dolore’s blog, so I clicked over and here I am!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh boy. This gave me a good chuckle. You do live in the hinterlands. I don’t agree with no culture since I experienced culture shock. The silence was unnerving to be sure. I definitely would visit again. But I don’t think I’m ready to live there. Hahaha!

    Liked by 1 person

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