Buddy Check

fox hole

Digging in


I texted my friend Dan yesterday to check on him.

I was waiting in the car while my wife  was doing some shopping and I had a few minutes.  I hadn’t talked to him in a few weeks.  Last time I did,  there was a lot going on.  He’d recently found out his wife is expecting #3, and  they are living in a 1 room condo.   They were wanting to find another place with more room before their current lease came up for renewal.   Work had slowed way down for him.   He is self-employed  and I don’t think they have much in savings.   On top of all of that,  current things in the news. like ISIS and their  atrocities was weighing heavy on his mind.

Dan text-ed me right back, said he had a Dr’s appointment set up for this Friday.  He has something  going on medically I’m not sure about, but I think it could affect his work situation long-term.

Talk about being under fire.

After a couple of texts back and forth we agreed to get together later this week, to catch up…..


I remember years ago, someone talking about the importance of doing “buddy checks.”  The word picture he gave was like a soldier peering into the fox holes of his fellow soldiers during a lull in the fighting.

As much as some of us would like to think otherwise,  I believe we are designed  to need other people in our lives. ( I’m not talking about in some sick co-dependent way.)

I have gotten to the point where I’ll take it a step further.  If I am struggling, I won’t wait for someone to check on me….

I will do one of several things,  depending on what’s happening (text, pick up the phone or make an appointment to get together in person)

I am blessed  by a network of interpersonal relationships that I have intentionally cultivated since the mid 1990’s.  It hasn’t always been that way.

In 1995,  I walked away from a close knit  church group that I was very involved with.  90% of my closest relationships were in that group.

Talk about a stressful time.  At the very time I needed someone to help me process life, I found myself walking away from the very people in the past I would have turned to.

Swore I would never ever find myself in that sort of situation again.

Sitting here 20 years removed from that experience,  it was one of the more important turning points in my life.

Out of it, came 2 books, I became a blogger,  I developed several new friendships I would have otherwise never had, and I learned the importance of not putting all of my relationship eggs in one basket.

It also showed me  I am a man of principle above my people pleasing tendencies.

Secretly in  my heart of hearts, I used to think maybe I was putting too much stock on what other people thought of me.  I would make decisions based on what other people said over my personal preference.

My metal was tested and I passed.

I am not a people pleaser  at the end of the day. 🙂



We have a quote on our  kitchen cabinet by Anne Lamott:


anne lamotte quote

I really do believe that.

Currently I am on my game and have been for several months.

Next week, who knows.  I’m scheduled for another biopsy.

So, not sure where these words find you this fine morning.    You may be like Dan who needs a some encouragement and perspective…., I’d encourage you to make the choice to be vulnerable. Reach out to someone you trust and talk about it.

Maybe you’re on your game this morning…Is there anyone in your life you know who could use a check in? 🙂

Well, time to have a cup of coffee w/ my wife.  Yesterday I was @ the Dr’s office,  filling out one of those pages where you list any medicines you are currently on.

I put down just one thing…


Did you know coffee beans are full of antioxidants?

They are!

Stay in touch. DM





10 thoughts on “Buddy Check

  1. I’m sitting here trying to remember when “the buddy system” was part of my life. I think it must have been during my days at camp, when we were swimming. In fact, I’m sure it was. “Don’t go into the pool without a friend” is pretty good advice at every stage of life!

    Liked by 1 person

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